


Memories

by AceofSpeight



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Feels, Blow Jobs, Domestic, Drabble Collection, Established Relationship, Fights, Fluff, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Making Love, Romani Adam, Shadam, adam deserved better, adashi, soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 00:36:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 11,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15652179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceofSpeight/pseuds/AceofSpeight
Summary: Adam remembers everything. He remembers his first time riding a bike, he remembers his marks from the eighth grade, and he remembers every scar.He also remembers his first love, the time they shared, and how Adam's impending death means he'll never see him again.[Drabbles, once a day for a month, seeing Adam and Shiro's love from Adam's POV.]





	1. Morning

**Author's Note:**

> I'm marking this fic as "mature" because though there will be sex, they are all acts of pure love. I'll mark a heart ( <3 ) for every chapter that contains these moments for those who don't wish to read them.
> 
> <3

Adam presses a kiss into the soft skin just left of Takashi’s pelvis bone. He kisses the mark of sunlight filtering in from Takashi’s dorm window onto the pale skin, highlighting the naked flash while Adam caresses it with his fingertips. 

The skin is warm and it heats Adam’s lips a little bit, as a smile begins to curve on his face. Takashi is barely sleeping, and in between deep sighs, Adam continues to love that small patch of light on Takashi’s hip, content to be pressed between the legs of his lover as they waste their morning together.

Adam looks up when Takashi moves his other leg, pressing his thigh into Adam’s side. Takashi smiles down at him, and it is both shy and promiscuous, believing and incredulity. He says nothing, only slides his hand through Adam’s hair, carding his fingernails gently over his scalp. Adam dips his own head into Takashi’s palm, and moves his mouth a little closer to Takashi’s center.

Takashi inhales softly, sharply.

Adam has been in love with Takashi Shirogane for longer than he’s been at the Garrison. Adam was a late transfer, but on a short tour he’d seen several cadets walking by, hands animated and words loud and flying over to him from across the room. Takashi had just been one of those boys, laughing and smiling, though Adam would never learn what they’d been talking about. But the way Takashi held himself a little taller, a little more certain, had caught Adam’s attention.

On his second day at the Garrison, Adam had no qualms about walking straight up to Takashi the moment he found him again and asking him out. Adam never had a problem going after what he wanted, and his abruptness had both startled and pleased Takashi, he later came to find.

All he remembered was his blush and bright smile, telling him yes.

Now Takashi squirmed a little as Adam purposefully ignored Takashi’s growing interest beside his cheek. He ghosted his lips lower, so close, but not yet. He dropped a kiss beside Takashi’s thickening member, and brought a little of his tongue into it, making small wet kisses between his legs and all around.

Shiro moaned and Adam felt the bed shake beneath him. Neither of them was clothed, hadn’t been since last night, and he could feel the vibrations against his stomach and legs, like birds’ wings against him.

He flicked his tongue out and licked a stripe up to nearly his belly and Takashi gripped the side of the bed, fingers digging in roughly, all while still gently holding Adam’s head in the palm of his right hand.

Finally, Adam takes him into his mouth.

The taste is salty and a little bitter, like coffee with butter. Adam smiles as he plants a kiss to the head of his cock, and licks around the head and down, down toward his legs again.

Takashi is panting and wiggling beneath him, desperately clawing the bed but trying not to shove up into Adam’s mouth like he wants to. Adam, in more heated moments, sometimes things what it would be like then, for Takashi to let go completely, take Adam as his own for a lovething of worship.

But it’s times like these, when the beastly animal restrains itself from doing as nature intended that makes it so dear. Adam loves Takashi because he defies his own nature to pursue that which he loves.

In this moment, that is Adam, and Adam thrives knowing it.

He speeds up, bobbing his head over and over again over Takashi like a prayer, using his hands and pressing down Takashi’s legs, giving Adam more power. He reaches under with one hand and cups Takashi’s balls, bringing his mouth as far down over his length as he can and Takashi tenses. He feels like a rock in the sea beneath Adam’s mouth, something unbreakable that only time can touch. Takashi releases into his mouth, and his hand trembles in Adam’s hair as Adam swallows around him.

Takashi makes a small whimpering sound and reaches for Adam’s shoulder. Adam lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and rushes forward, aligning himself equally with Takashi and kissing him soundly on the mouth. Takashi has never minded the taste of himself, not after Adam does this for him, not after Adam has finished loving him so deeply.

Their eyes open finally and as Adam looks down at Takashi, he can see the smile he fell in love with years ago. His black eyes are muddled brown in the sunlight now, and Adam drops down for one more small kiss before running his fingers over Takashi’s lips.

“Good morning,” Adam says. He means to say, “I love you.”

“Good morning,” Shiro says.

It sounds like, “I love you, too.”


	2. Broke Up

“Broke up” was a funny phrase.

Break: blow; shock, separate into pieces. To break was to crack into pieces, to take something and damage it without thought for repair. Broke, past tense, it happened; there was no stopping it. It was a rolling stone falling off a cliff, down, down, gone before you realized that it had existed there once for so many years, it had weathered so many storms before a single foot cast it off into the depths, forgotten.

To break up. It was throwing those pieces in the air, letting the wind take them and hurl them into the dust, hiding them from sight. Broke up, in hindsight, would never have picked that thing again, would never have caressed it in your arms and watched it fall apart, suddenly or slowly, rising up like ash from a funeral pyre.

Adam sipped at his now cold coffee, pursing his lips from the bitterness. He thought to add sugar, but he always changed his mind at the last minute. Instead, he sat, and let his mind wander as the television set played behind him. 

Up. Onward, forward. Seems like a good thing. 

The television news anchor sang the good news, Keroberos mission, first of its kind to Pluto’s orbiting satellite moon. On its small 12 kilometer surface ice pockets were discovered and hoped to contain small microscopic forms of life, prokaryotic cells possibly worthy to evolve into the life Earth was so blessed to have, create, and destroy.

Countdown, the people sang behind him on the screen. Adam was alone in his room, but he could still hear the people outside too, their clamor piercing through his foggy thoughts.

He can still feel Takashi on his lips. His soft mouth moved against his before it was torn away. “I’m not doing this again,” his eyes say. His words say, “Get out, Adam.”

Adam left, and now he sits here, pondering in the early morning, thinking of words and kisses and rockets taking something he loves far away.

He wonders what he could have done to prevent it.

Adam took another sip. His coffee is as cold as his hands now, but his chest burns with something he won’t name. To break up sounds painful, but with the word break, it feels quick. It should be sudden, a smash of glass against the hard floor, wood pilings being torn down by a tornado.

But this feels hot, like a fire. How can something break when it feels like he’s melting? When it feels like the only thing he can do is slowly rip himself apart until he can’t feel anymore. That’s not a break. That’s torture.

Adam pushes the coffee away, and turns his head away from the window. If he can’t see the takeoff, maybe he’ll forget. But his ears deceive him.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

A loud boom crashes, thunders into the ground miles away and nothing can be heard or felt beyond it. Adam keeps his eyes tightly shut, but he can imagine clearly the smoke bursting from below the rocket, pillowing up against its round sides and surging up, up into the sky, up away from Adam, up to great things before it crashes down again, down onto some foreign earth he’ll never know.

Adam breathes, and the bright pink of his eyelids shadow over. The smoke and fire are covering the sun, he knows, and now the rocket is gone.

Adam’s heart breaks again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow's piece will be a happier memory :)


	3. Shopping

“Okay, we need beans, broth, broccoli and—” Takashi stopped and tilted his head. Adam dropped a box of pasta in the cart, something lentil or chickpea based, something he knew Takashi would want, and then watched Takashi’s lips pout in thought. They jutted from his mouth looking like two soft peanuts; Adam heard the clicking noise in the back of Takashi’s throat and smiled. 

“Your handwriting is that atrocious,” Adam hummed and dropped some cheap macaroni and cheese in the cart, something he liked.

“I was in a hurry and the ink ran out.”

“Remind me why you get to be in charge of the grocery list again?”

“Because I don’t have the memory of a wallaby.”

“Do wallabies have bad memories?” Adam asked. He eyed the Rice-a-roni with interest. Takashi waved a hand in front of his face, wordlessly telling him to forget about it, and pushed Adam away from the tempting instant meal.

“Anything that isn’t an elephant doesn’t have a good memory,” Takashi said, leading them toward the produce aisle.

“That can’t be true,” Adam said, but he couldn’t help the small laugh that bubbled out of him.

Takashi picked up a watermelon and dropped it in the cart. It rolled down to the back, and Adam frowned when he saw it crushing his macaroni and cheese box. Takashi grabbed his attention and they headed over to the vegetables, where he talked while bundling up some peppers and carrots.

“It is,” he said. “I promise. I took all the zoology classes at the Garrison.”

Adam laughed fully. “I forgot about our extensive zoology programme,” he said and Takashi was chuckling under his breath, too. “Where zoology prodigies around the world come to learn from Iverson about the mating calls of the great manatee.”

Takashi belts out a laugh and Adam pauses to watch him, glowing with pride at making him joyous. “See, now that I would pay to see.”

“Fully worth the tuition. It would naturally include the mating dance as well.”

Takashi smiles at him while hold the end of the cart, opposite him. They stare at each other a moment before Takashi looks away first, shaking his head with a blush on his cheeks and nose. “Okay smartypants,” he says to Adam, “what else do we have on this damn list?”

He hands it over to Adam, who peruses it for a moment and frowns. Takashi’s handwriting really is atrocious.

“Looks like we still need bacon, eggs, processed salami, cheese, cheese, cheese—”

Takashi snatches the list out of his hand and Adam laughs while Takashi goes over to put a ten pound bag of sweet potatoes in their cart. Adam can’t wait until they’re old and fat and Takashi finally appreciates the art of consuming trash food for the sake of taste and convenience.

“You’re going to die of ten different kinds of heart disease,” Takashi says, throwing something Adam doesn’t even know the name of in with the healthy stockpile of food. 

“Not if you can help it apparently.”

Takashi beams. “You’ll learn to appreciate good food if it kills me.”

“I just might,” Adam says as Takashi squeezes Adams arms from behind as they speed through the bread aisle, leaving it untouched. His mother would be furious to hear his diet no longer consists of the bread and cheese and meat his childhood subsided on. At least Takashi grants him the cornmeal used to make mamaliga every so often.

Of course it could be much better with cheese, but Adam will take what he can get.

They make it through the rest of their list, somewhat guessing or re-remembering what’s written in the chicken-scrawl, and Takashi has to hold Adam’s hands as they go through the checkout aisle. He’s sorely tempted to grab some jerky. Instead, he sighs dramatically as Takashi details the effects of a diet filled with modulated and trans fats while Adam thinks of his happy place.

On the way home from the store, as is tradition, Adam begs until Takashi grumpily relents to getting a pizza for dinner tonight. Because for all Takashi limits his diet in their apartment to healthy items found in vegan recipes and paleo diets, he isn’t a complete monster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mamaliga with a hunk of cheese pushed into the middle to get it all melted and delicious is just A+++++. I'm thinking a sexy one tomorrow? What y'all think? :}
> 
> Also, come hang out on [tumblr](https://aceofspeight.tumblr.com/).


	4. Breathless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3
> 
> (Also, I listened to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3nxOF8wnMk) song on repeat.)

It had been one of those long days when both of them came home wanting to scream. One of Adam’s students had been completely obnoxious during his lesson on Strategy and Warfare, goading Adam by reciting line after line of text from a horribly outdated manual that had long since been ignored. So irritated Adam became, he eventually enacted corporal punishment for the whole class, making the entire group stand with their hands above their heads until the blood drained down, making their arms numb and their moods sour.

Takashi’s class hadn’t gone much better, since one of his students had taken a live grenade from his demonstration on Garrison weaponry and advanced tech while he hadn’t been looking. The cadet had dropped it on the floor and nearly set the thing off, which had it done so, would’ve at minimum given them an entire class of amputees and at worse a graveyard of cadets. 

Takashi had had his ear chewed off by higher-ranking officers about properly supervising a class of young cadets—after all, only the best and brightest were allowed in the Garrison, and a handful of dead prodigies would be a certain tragedy—and Adam, much to his irritation, upon later research realized the mouthy cadet hadn’t been entirely wrong about his criticism of land warfare.

They arrived home irritated, tired and exhausted, and had fallen into each other’s arms immediately. Takashi shoved and pulled Adam’s clothes off while Adam bit and pushed at Takashi until they were both in the bedroom. Neither of them even entirely removed their clothes, and instead hands swept over the curves and valleys of hard muscle and soft skin. Lips ghosted over Adam’s throat, tongue licked along his jaw and Adam could only breathe once Takashi’s fingers entered him.

Takashi moved his fingers desperately, shakily inside him and Adam groaned at the feel of Takashi against him while his digits curled against his prostate.

Adam gasped out his name and bucked down, then up, opening his mouth and wordlessly begging Takashi to come closer. Their mouths met clumsily, wet lips and tongues touching chins and noses. Takashi added a third finger and Adam didn’t even have the energy to shout before he came over his stomach.

Adam relaxed slowly into the bed while Takashi removed his and his own clothing quickly. He climbed back over Adam and with the gentlest of kisses, pressed his lips to Adam’s forehead. Adam looked up at his tired, red-rimmed eyes and cupped his cheeks with both hands. He leaned up and kissed Takashi while Takashi worked himself between Adam’s legs.

He lined himself up and pressed the tip of his cock to Adam’s hole. Adam gasped and buried his head into Takashi’s neck, pulling him closer so their bodies had no space between them. Takashi pulled up a little and rocked into him, sliding his cock in and Adam raked his fingernails down Takashi’s back.

It was slow, achingly, lethally, glacially slow. Adam’s breath was so loud he almost couldn’t hear Takashi’s own panting right in his ear. Everything was wet and hot, except where his mouth was dry and his toes were cold. Adam pressed his heels into the back of Takashi’s thighs and rocked up to meet him. Takashi groaned and compressed himself around Adam, swallowing him up like a cacoon.

Takashi’s muscles bulged and Adam turned his head to the side, planting a kiss on his biceps. Takashi lowered his head and ran his teeth along Adam’s cheekbone, and finally he started to move.

The bed shook beneath them, the old mattress worn but heavy enough to keep both of them afloat as they rocked and rolled over it. Takashi’s hips stuttered a little before finding their balance, surging forward and back, trapping his cock between them before pulling out and doing it again, faster, smoother, livelier.

Adam couldn’t think, he couldn’t feel anything except the friction and feeling of being filled with Takashi and the ecstasy it wrought. The world was colorful but he was blind to it, everything moved but he was still.

Takashi moved faster and faster and Adam had the chance to look into his eyes, half covered by sweaty bangs and thick eyelashes and gazing directly at him with a hazed intensity, a drug-induced clarity.

Takashi bucked suddenly, throwing his hips up and pinning Adam to the bed as he came inside him and slowly sank down. They were a tangle limbs, out of breath and closed around each other like hands in a prayer. Adam worshipped Takashi as he guided his lips from his temple to his nose, across his cheek to the tip of his ear.

And for the few minutes just after their enjoinment, Adam felt the peace only Takashi could bring.


	5. Backdraft

“You know what?” Takashi said, chin surging up and face becoming blank. “We’re done here.”

“We’re  _ done? _ ” Adam repeated. His anger seemed to suck in oxygen like a fire and he was ready to turn the entire apartment into an inferno. “You don’t just get to walk away from this. I’m your partner, we make decisions together.”

They had been walking on eggshells for a week. Since Takashi, since they both, had learned about his illness two years ago, something had changed in him. Drills were no longer fun, he pushed and pushed until Takashi held every record, not for his pride or appreciation, but for something much more desperate and egotistical.

Takashi’s muscles were degrading and he seemed to become a monster for any kind of accomplishment he could put under his belt before he was discharged or forced to retire early. It was heartbreaking and Adam at first thought he might understand.

He imagined himself and Takashi’s role reversed. He imagined sitting on that doctor’s table with Takashi in the waiting room. He imagined hearing the words of the doctor, confusing turning into realization turning into horror. He’d never get the chance to partake in a long, lustrous career. He didn’t have time for mistakes. But he wanted to make his mark.

All these months later with Takashi excelling in every manner of Garrison activity, from teaching to flying to strategic and tactical planning, it still wasn’t enough for him.

Now he wanted to go millions of miles beyond to a dangerous and previously unexplored moon. He would be away from his medical team, his safety net, away from any kind of support system who knew Takashi and how to treat him on his worst days.

He’d be away from Adam.

And for what? This legacy he hoped to get, was it worth it? Adam understood following orders, he understood facing fear and even death straight on if it was what the mission required. But Takashi had a choice, and Adam felt in his heart it was the wrong one.

What did he have to prove by leaving everything behind when he already had everything right in front of him?

“No, I make decisions for myself. And I get to leave when you’re telling me what to do,” Takashi responded, one hand on the door.

“I’m not telling you what to do!” Adam shouted, throwing a kitchen towel across the room. “I’m trying to explain to you why it might not be a great idea to leave all of your support behind for a mission no one wants you on!”

Takashi turned and leveled him with a stare Adam almost felt shame for. Almost, because he couldn’t entirely feel sorry if it stopped Takashi from leaving.

Adam could feel his breathing hot in his throat, and the warmth of the open oven was fogging up his glasses. He removed them and everything became a little blurrier, less focused and darker. As light struggled to reach his eyes, he saw the darkness hover over Takashi too.

Takashi wanted to leave him, and there was nothing Adam could say or do that would stop him.

“I’m sorry,” Adam wanted to say.

“I hope those ice samples keep you warm at night,” he said instead, and ran into their room and slammed the door.

He didn’t hear Takashi leave, he only heard his own chest heaving as he dropped to the bed and cradled his face in his hands. Hot tears ran down his face, and he curled in on himself around a pillow, waiting for Takashi to come home.

Takashi didn’t come home that night.

Nor the next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow something cute and domestic :]


	6. Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something happy today, and symbolic tomorrow. :]
> 
> I also just want to add that yes, this is how babies act. Oh, my, god, they are so weird.

“Are they...always this energetic?” Adam asked. The baby sitting between Takashi’s legs pumped its arm up and down so vigorously it began to fall over.

Takashi laughed and helped right her, guiding her up and forward with gentle hands. “Every baby is different,” he said, watching her carefully as she sprang into her knees and crawled away from him and toward Adam with worrying speed. “But yeah, they do tend to demand lots of attention.”

“You don’t say,” Adam responded, holding up a hand as if to stop her from reaching him. She let out a loud coo, almost sounding like she had intestinal problems. Adam wasn’t sure it was a sound she was supposed to make, but since Takashi didn’t look worried, neither did he.

“You don’t have to stay,” Takashi said, “Admiral Sanda asked me to care for her, not you.”

Adam frowned and winced as the small thing used his knee to hold herself up, then grabbed at his mouth and hooked her fingers inside and pulled down his jaw with frightening strength. Adam dropped forward and she laughed when he made a sound like a wounded animal. Takashi laughed too.

Adam took her hand and pushed it away from him. He cringed while turning her around to have her crawl back to Takashi, thinking about what she might have been touching before she ungraciously shoved her hand in his mouth.

Adam was the one with the sibling, so one would’ve thought he’d be the better one with children. Takashi was an only child and had lived his early life cared for by an old aunt in the family. Takashi’s parents had died years ago in a drowning accident in a river when he’d been hardly a year, and his life had been slow and full of boring, self-improvised moments compared with Adam and his older brother’s constant competing and battling for attention and glory.

Yet Takashi was the one with the soft hand and encouraging spirit toward the students they taught, and with the officers’ children, who had learned of Takashi’s nurturing spirit and oft took advantage of it. What was supposed to be a relaxing night to themselves became an evening fraught with a baby’s screams and shrill laughter.

“I’m not going to let you get all the glory,” Adam grunted. 

“So you’re just trying to suck up to the Admiral huh?” Takashi grinned, bouncing the happy baby on his knee and tossing her into the air like she were nothing but a light balloon.

“Well you’ve made it impossible to beat your record in test scores and flight drills,” Adam sniffed. “A man has to take manners into his own hands sometimes.”

“Well the rate you’re going,” Takashi said with a vicious smirk, “I’d expect to stay No. 2 for awhile.”

“Takashi Shirogane,” Adam said as he watched the baby steamroll toward him once more. He took her clumsily in his arms and winced as she beat her little fists down on his chest with great amusement and pleasure. She cooed again at the top of her lungs and her wide, gummy grin brought a small smile to his own mouth. “You will eat those words.”

Takashi said nothing. He only laughed and dropped down to the ground, resting his head on the slightly drool-covered rug. He looked up at Adam with soft eyes, which Adam would’ve appreciated a bit more if Baby Angela hadn’t been bouncing against him vigorously for want and need of more play.

While Takashi rested, closing his eyes and letting Adam stumble through their babysitting adventure, Adam looked into the eyes of the baby only inches away. Her long lashes fell against her cheek as she scratched her nails roughly, curiously into the skin around his collarbone and neck.

It was actually quite painful, but the look on her face was so content Adam didn’t stop her. Her sticky hands pressed against his chin, jaw, Adam’s apple. She suddenly ducked her head toward him and pressed her wet lips against the side of his nose, pressing hard and suddenly, smushing her full face into his cheek and eye.

Adam was startled into confusion and Baby Angela stayed there for a few seconds. Takashi gave a small, excited gasp.

“She’s kissing you,” he said, and Adam looked at him with one eye while the other stayed shut to save it from more baby drool.

When she finally removed her face, Adam looked at her to confirm. She screamed at him in response. Adam was mostly certain it was a happy one.

An hour later, when Admiral Sanda returned to take back her grandmotherly duties, Baby Angela was once again in Takashi’s arms. Adam was relieved to see her go, but he didn’t entirely mind getting one last wet kiss before her departure.

Takashi hadn’t gotten one, and Adam lorded it over him the rest of the night how the Admiral would promote him to deputy commander in no time, and not probably before Takashi was.


	7. Crate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: some implied animal cruelty.

Adam quickly shoved the rest of the groceries in the trunk of the car and ran around to the side, fumbling with the key a little before opening the door. The rain pummeled around him, louder than a jet around his ears as it pelted the hood of his raincoat. The door unlocked and he ducked inside the car, slamming the door behind him. 

He turned the engine over and cranked the heat on high. Warm gust flew toward his face and he blew on his fingertips trying to warm them. He held them up to the vents until they stopped feeling numb.

It’d been three months since Takashi had left for Kerberos and Adam still wasn’t used to doing the weekly grocery run without him. Every time he came out of the store something in his mind nagged at him, forgot something, forgot something, forgot that pesky little something…

Adam turned on the headlights and drove home in silence. The road was mostly empty but for some few cars heading the other direction, so Adam had no competition for traffic. He took the shortest route home, or began to, before deciding against it. 

Going back to an empty apartment filled him, not with dread, but a hurtful kind of loneliness. He still imagined Takashi in their bed, Takashi in the kitchen, Takashi humming from behind the bathroom door.

A wry grin covered Adam’s face unknowingly as he remembered how shy Takashi still was, running the water when he didn’t want Adam to hear anything. Adam thought it was ludacris, and a waste of water, but he began to appreciate it, after. It was a small, tedious romantic gesture on the part of Takashi, and he missed that.

He missed him.

Adam came to a red light and put the car in neutral. Rain still came down heavily, enveloping the vehicle, making it difficult to see. Beside him on the road he saw a large, empty crate. He started at it, seeing the continued red light staring at him from the periphery of his vision. The crate looked old, dirty, as if it’d been there to get cleaned by the rain. He wondered who would’ve thrown it out like this, or if it’d been empty and simply fell off the back of the vehicle, only to be found missing later.

The crate shivered.

Adam blinked. He watched it again closely, rolling down his window, wondering if his eyes were being deceived by the rain. For a few moments he did nothing but stare at the crate, heart in his throat as he waited for something to happen.

Nothing did. Adam sighed, and saw the cross light turn yellow. He put his car back in gear and waited for his light to turn green.

Adam heard a low moan. 

His light turned green. 

Adam swerved the car to the side and opened his door wide, running back out into the rain. He ran to the crate and looked inside, holding his hood over his head and trying to see through his foggy glasses.

Inside the crate was an old dog, lying down, hardly moving. Its head was facing away from the grate, away from Adam. Adam’s mouth dropped open. Who would leave a dog in the middle of the road like this? Who would dispose of something so cruelly?

Adam made a rough noise in the back of his throat and the dog’s head lifted, turning toward Adam. He seemed some kind of shepherd mix. His thick fur was a dark brown or black, and he had some white markings on his muzzle. He was clearly old. But his tail thumped once against the crate when he saw Adam, his mouth opened and he gave another low moan.

The dog could’ve been dangerous. He could’ve been angry or sick or a number of other things, but Adam was alone, and he threw caution to the wind. 

He opened the crate.

Slowly, the dog turned and stumbled out. He walked straight into Adam’s knee and kept his head there, between the juncture of Adam’s legs, still only half-out of the crate. His tail wagged. Adam noticed in the light of the open, out of the crate, the dog had one ear, the other was missing. Adam ran his hand along the back of the animal. Small clumps of hair matted to his palm, but he stroked it anyway.

He opened the back car door and ushered the dog inside. It took a bit of maneuvering, the dog was weak and old and Adam had to help, but they managed it. Adam got back inside the car and watched in the rearview as the dog laid down on the backseat and panted. Iverson would ring his neck for getting wet dog hair on the back of his borrowed car, but Adam wasn’t thinking about that.

He was thinking it was time he got home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our special boy has a name, it'll come up in the future. :) Also for tomorrow, something happy and fun!


	8. Makeup

“Don’t move,” Adam said, right before anticipating Takashi would flinch. He brought Takashi’s face closer to him and pressed the short end of the stick to his lips, brushing it across them, spreading the color around in sweeping gestures.

He’d chosen a medium-hue purple for his upper lip. The matte lipstick paired nicely with Takashi’s pale skin, and Adam stopped for a moment to admire his work. He smiled and Takashi dared open one of his eyes to look at Adam cautiously.

“So that new kid you were talking about,” Adam said. “What’s his name again?”

“Keith,” Takashi answered.

“Keith,” Adam said, trying the name on his tongue. It was an uncommon name where he was from. “I heard he knocked the lights out of another cadet. What’s that about?”

Adam had zero tolerance for misbehaving. The Garrison only recruited the best, and they trained those who were accepted into the academy harder than most adults had ever been used to. But it was those rigorous efforts and firm structure that had allowed the Garrison to be the best in the world. Without that immediate discipline, men and women would die. 

Takashi usually had a softer hand with the children, but Adam was the sterner type. You followed rules or you were out of order, no room for rebuttal.

Adam put the purple lipstick back and picked up a much lighter shade, an icy-colored pink. He began to apply it to Takashi’s lower lip, while allowing him to talk.

“He’s got so much potential, Adam,” Takashi began, a slight smile pulling up the corner of his cheek. “You should’ve seen him drive the Z—bolted out of the parking lot faster than you can scream ‘discharged.’”

“Whoa wait,” Adam said backing up and taking the lipstick with him. It gave Takashi a really sexy vibe, he was pleased with his choices, “drive the Z? You let him drive your land-jet?”

Takashi opened his eyes and Adam saw a makeshift, embarrassed blush line his cheekbones. “Um…”

“He  _ stole _ your land-jet? In broad daylight? In the school parking lot?”

Adam started to apply some bronzer, shaking his head. Adam had no respect for punks, but he saw Takashi’s eyes lighting up and he knew there was no arguing against one of Takashi’s projects. Even if none of them turned out the way he hoped, Takashi had a fierce sense of pride when it came to certain things he’d gripped onto. Now one of them was an actual child.

“He’s a better flyer than you Adam,” Takashi grinned, shutting his eyes while Adam finished applying some eyeshadow into the outer “V” corners of his eyes. “He’s better than me.”

Adam looked at him a moment, cocked his head to the side. He thought Takashi looked like something out of a Vogue magazine, but with the silly smile on his face one would’ve mistaken him for a boy at a candy store.

“He’s amazing. I can’t wait for you to meet him.”

“Sir,” Adam and Takashi looked to their left, where an annoyed sales associate looked at them with partial disdain. “Are you going to buy any of that?”

Adam looked down at the samples in his hands and pursed his lips, as though he were in thought. “Haven’t decided,” he said, tilting his head back and trying to control a sardonic smile. “I think we’ll need to check out the mascara first.” He shrugged. “We’re just  _ so _ indecisive today.”

The woman barely stopped herself from rolling her eyes, and nearly grit her teeth when she replied, “Just let me know if you need any help.”

Adam smiled fully and gave her a dopey wave. She set off and Adam rolled his eyes and grabbed some eyeliner, gesturing for Takashi to shut his eyes so he could work. He’d chosen a deep brown.

“Yeah,” Takashi said. “He kind of reminds me of someone.”

“Who?” Adam said, biting his lip in concentration. He finished both eyes and lifted Takashi’s head up to admire his own work. Takashi was always beautiful, but Adam didn’t mind the way he looked with a little flourish either.

Takashi blinked slowly and grinned, and Adam saw with pleasure the cat eyeliner he’d done perfectly accented his long lashes. Takashi shrugged and grabbed a chapstick off the sales rack, heading for the checkout line.

“Oh, no one that special,” he said, and gave Adam an obnoxious wink.

Adam scowled at the implication but joined Takashi in line while they paid for their bogus chapstick that would probably end up at the bottom of a bag they didn’t care much for. Adam, resemble some punk begging for a fight? Oh,  _ please _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the later update. It's been an ah, _trying_ week for me I'm afraid. 
> 
> For tomorrow, something a little sad.


	9. Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick apology for no update yesterday (no access to a computer all day! Woe was I!) but today you get two chapters! Huzzah!!
> 
> Also, thank you all for your incredibly lovely comments!! You are too kind!! :D

Adam wasn’t quite sure how it happened. One moment Takashi was right behind him, talking about the new schedule he’d been given that would increase his flight time and recruitment hours, the next, Takashi’s weight was pressing against. A solid mass of unconscious weight dropped onto his back and took them both down the stairs.

Adam shook out his head but made no move to get up. Takashi lay half on top of him and half off, so Adam took a moment to make sure he himself had incurred no injuries before reaching out and pressing a hand tentatively to Takashi’s shoulder.

Takashi didn’t move.

Adam didn’t panic. His entire career at the Garrison had taught him better. He reached forward and slowly lifted himself up to a sitting position, then touched his fingers to Takashi’s pulse. It was strong, but slow. He guided his hands over Takashi’s body, checking for any injuries to his body. 

Nothing. He carefully rolled Takashi over onto his back and then quickly got on all fours to crawl and check Takashi’s legs next. Adam let out a short breath of relief when he found no major injuries. It could be Takashi had sprained an ankle in the fall but Adam would only be able to tell once Takashi had woken up.

Adam pressed his lips in a firm line and cupped Takashi’s head between his hands. The most pressing concern gripped his chest while he grabbed for his communication relayer and called for medical assistance.

“At the bottom of A-3, northwest-side, last stairwell,” he told the medic.

Only a minute had passed, but it felt like an hour when Takashi’s eyes finally shuttered and opened slowly. His skin was clammy and pale, and Adam held his hand while he waited for Takashi to come completely to.

“Adam,” Takashi groaned a whisper from his lips and Adam squeezed his hand firmly, gently.

“Takashi I’m here,” he said, rubbing a hand up his forearm. “You lost consciousness. Don’t move. Medics are on the way.”

Takashi tried to get up, “No,” he said, cringing as dizziness and nausea caught up with him at the sudden movement. He faltered and Adam took his shoulders in both hands. He moved around him and pushed Takashi back against him, his back to Adam’s chest. Adam wrapped his arms around Takashi and shushed him, feeling a bit like his mother.

“Stop, you’ll make yourself sick,” he warned. “It’s just precaution. Did you trip?”

Takashi let out a long shuddering breath, and Adam ran a hand over his forehead. It came away with cold sweat.

“I...don’t remember,” Takashi said. Adam could hear the panic begin in his voice, so he soothed Takashi best as he could, running his fingers over his face, and gentle gripping him with his other arm, steadying them both. “I don’t remember Adam.”

“It’s fine,” Adam said, feeling the chapped lips beneath his fingers while he ran a thumb over them. He could hear the clear ringing of the medic van getting closer to them. “It’s silly, but they’re just going to check us out.”

He could feel Takashi trembling under his hands, in nervousness? In fear? Adam couldn’t tell. He ignored how his stomach dropped when he thought about Takashi’s last words, how instead of cutting off abruptly, they’d petered out before Adam had been about to turn and ask him to continue his thought. He hated that he remembered before he could turn, Takashi had fallen onto him, not crashed as thought he’d tripped.

He fell like a rag doll and caused them both to tumble down the stairs. It was lucky they were both unharmed.

But were they?

Adam forced out a smile while the medics checked them out, and strapped Takashi onto the gurney, amidst his fervent, but weak, protests. “Takashi,” he pleaded again, wrapping a hand around his bicep as the medic pushed in an intravenous IV into Takashi’s hand. “Please. It’s just standard procedure. Just let them finish up so we can go home sooner.”

Takashi just stared at him with wide, unblinking eyes, and Adam thought he’d never forget the fear he saw there.

He never would. 


	10. Competition

Adam adjusted his headphones and counted. Three breaths in, four breaths out. He paced himself, but also pushed himself. He leaned forward into the space and ran, one foot in front of the other, his body a straight line guiding him onward.

A shadow to his left caused him to turn, and he smiled when he saw Takashi’s fierce grin tapering at the corner of his mouth.

He’d left Takashi in bed, deciding to go alone on their habitual morning run, but only ten minutes in and Takashi had already caught up to him. Perspiration gleaned his upper lip and collarbone, and Adam flashed an eyebrow at him when Takashi’s grin remained on his face. Even over the raucous music of his headphones, he could hear Takashi make three short clicking noises, as though he were urging on a horse.

Then he sped ahead of Adam, putting himself several paces ahead.

Adam blew out air from his nostrils and increased his gait. Takashi was in a playful mood, today.

Adam lifted his knees higher and leaned forward even more, gaining more speed and leveling with Takashi before he continued on, going faster and ahead. Takashi laughed behind him and Adam couldn’t hear him, but he could feel Takashi pumping his arms, once again taking the lead ahead of Adam.

Adam had grown up with an older brother. The two had driven his mother absolutely miserable with their constant bickering and brawling, but the worst of it was their competitions. Adam and Joshua would regularly fracture bones thanks to dares and double-dares, and triple-dog-dares while they one-upped each other.

Who could jump the farthest? Who could climb the highest? Who could outrun the flock of geese? (Adam had paid dearly for that win.)

So his competitive streak thrived when Takashi goaded him on, egging him and needling him to run faster and harder and better. Takashi beat him in every drill and every inspection, but this is where Adam soared. Running was his beast to master and no one would beat him at it, not even his beautiful beloved, the man Adam would give anything for to remain by his side.

Except for when they were competing.

Adam pulled ahead again, throwing out his legs in long, deep strides, not so much running but leaping like a gazelle outpacing its predator. Takashi laughed behind him but it was too late, Adam could feel the pride and release that came when he knew he had someone beat. Adam was going to win this race and he could feel the centimeters pulling them farther and farther apart.

He whooped out a yell and drove his head down and forward, sprinting far ahead and leaving Takashi in his dust.

He slowed finally when he heard the yell and shout, Takashi admitting his defeat. Adam flung himself forward and put his hands on his knees, stretching out his back and trying to catch his breath. He looked about at the edge of the lake, taking note of the ducks that floated peacefully on the top of the water, looking effortless as they frantically paddled beneath the surface.

He felt Takashi jog up behind him, and he was ready to turn on him with a cocky smile.

“You never learn, do you?” he asked Takashi with gleaming white teeth.

Takashi shook his head and smiled, standing next to Adam with his hands on his hips. The hard lines of his body looked soft to Adam after the fierce run had relaxed his muscles.

“No,” said Takashi. “But neither do you.”

Adam’s eyebrows shot up and he tensed, ready to bolt but Takashi was too fast for him. He felt the shove and before he could stop it, he was falling head over heels into the lake. Ducks sprang up around him, quacking offensively while Adam sputtered in the water.

He glowered at Takashi, who had buckled over in laughter a mere few feet from the edge, cackling gleefully at Adam, who was now soaked and dirty. “That is the third time you’ve fallen for that,” Takashi said, wiping a tear from his sweaty face.

Adam surged out of the water once he saw Takashi going for his communicator to take a picture, and it wasn’t with a little bit of pleasure Adam took when he managed to grab it and throw it into the water.

In between pouts, they both had a few giggle fits on their way home that morning.


	11. Hammock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Throws a bunch of chapters at you and runs away

Adam swung side to side in the hammock, feeling more relaxed than he had in a while. There was a nice breeze keeping him cool despite the best efforts of the hot sun speaking through the leaves of the trees. Finals had finished three weeks ago, which meant only just yesterday had Adam and Takashi finished grading all of the tests they’d been mandated to oversee.

It was always a frustrating time for the two of them, since neither of them enjoyed the administrative side of instruction, and the added pressure felt by the students almost always negatively affected both their moods.

But now they were on vacation for the next ten days, away from Iversen, Sanda, and all the other officers who could order them around.

“Room in there for me?” Adam heard Takashi’s feet stop just to his left, deep voice wakening him slightly from his doze. 

Adam smiled without opening his eyes. “I’m sure we can manage.”

When Adam made no move to give Takashi the space to join him, he heard his boyfriend scoff and shuffle around him. Adam couldn’t hide his grin as he felt Takashi push on the hammock and try to find some space for himself. Adam dared peek one eye open and he found Takashi’s face mere inches from his own.

“You know,” Takashi said, looking at Adam through his reflective aviators, “this would go a lot easier if you could move over.”

Adam could only see his own grin grow in the mirror image of the sunglasses. “Oh I’m sorry,” Adam replied innocently. “Is my big, lazy ass in your way? Maybe you should just roll me out of here like a beached whale.”

He was teasing. During finals’ week, both his and Takashi’s tempers had gotten the better of them, and in his moment of anger Takashi had reamed Adam out for not working out as much as him. They’d both said things they regretted, and they both apologized for them before the trip, but Adam and Takashi had their tradition of never quite letting go of their smaller grudges for at least a month.

Takashi appeared to roll his eyes from behind his glasses and Adam laughed as Takashi began to maneuver himself over Adam. In a dramatic fit, he dropped onto Adam’s stomach lengthwise, squashing his face between Adam’s shoulder and the edge of the hammock and knees spread wide, using the tips of his toes to keep himself balanced.

The result was highly uncomfortable since it pushed all Takashi’s weight onto him and an inordinate amount of weight onto his hips.

“Okay,” Adam grunted under Takashi’s weight. “See? This is why I don’t work out. Your muscle weighs way more than anyone can handle.”

He felt Takashi’s warm breath in his ear and startled at his laugh. “You didn’t have a problem with it last night.”

Adam rolled his eyes and wiggled beneath Takashi. “Very mature, Takashi Shirogane, very mature.”

“I’ll show you mature,” Takashi said before shifting his weight to one side, jolting them to the left before Adam overcorrected them and jolted to the right. Straining, Takashi managed to put his huge muscles to use and rock them roughly from side to side nearly spilling them out of the hammock each time.

Adam grappled and grabbed onto Takashi, skewing his glasses as he pressed his face into the juncture of Takashi’s neck. Takashi laughed all the while until finally, he’d distributed too much weight, causing them to tumble right out of the hammock and onto the hard ground. They both landed on their side with a pair of hard grunts, which turned into raucous laughter.

Adam’s sides hurt from laughing, from the fall and his face hurt from smiling. Takashi wrapped Adam in his arms and Adam only laughed harder as Takashi’s chest and belly lifted him repeatedly from his boyfriend’s own giggles.

When at last they got up from the ground, they found a way to both fit in the hammock, Takashi tucked into Adam’s side, right as the sunset was going down. It would turn cold soon, but nestled where they were and warm after a good laugh, neither of them wanted to go anywhere else anytime soon.


	12. Alone

Knightly wasn’t allowed on the couch, but he jumped up and curled into Adam’s side like a small cat would anyway.

Unlike with his students, Adam had no ability to say no to the old dog. It’d been three months since he found the old timer in that crate by the side of the road, and a warm place to sleep at night, coupled with Adam’s vigorous exercise schedule and a plateful of broccoli each morning seemed to take the hopeless right out of the dog’s case. The veterinarian had been pleased and surprised by the quick turnaround in health and Adam was happy to have something around to keep him occupied.

Adam scrolled through an endless choice of videos to watch, unable to pick his mood nor his vice. He absent-mindedly stroked Knightly along his flank and the old dog sighed beside him, content to be in his company.

A knock on his apartment door sounded and Adam called out for the person to enter without bothering to get up. He didn’t want to disturb Knightly.

“Oh I’m sorry, am I bothering you?” asked Annalise sarcastically as she entered, lifting an eyebrow at the image of Adam curled up with a 90-pound furball. Knight lifted his head and wagged his tail, spotted tongue popping out in a ‘hello.’

Adam rolled his eyes and frowned when she strolled by and grabbed the remote from him, settling on something he hadn’t been in the mood for and hitting play. She sat on the other side of Knightly, and gave him two pats on the rear before settling down and getting comfortable.

“So,” she said. “This is what you’re doing on a Saturday night?”

Adam’s frown deepened and he pushed himself further into the couch, already disliking where the conversation was going. “I’ll never understand the pressure society places on one weekend evening.”

“I mean hey, pick a day, and any of those days I’m seeing you in the exact same position.” She pointed to the TV, to Knightly, to Adam. “You, watching something to pass the time, with your new furry boyfriend by your side.”

Adam looked at Knightly, who stared back at him, dumb to the conversation going on beside him. He licked Adam's hand and laid his head down in Adam’s lap, where Adam hesitated before resting a hand on his neck.

“Judge all you like, but at least Knightly here doesn’t.”

He could feel Annalise’s gaze on him from his peripheral vision, sharp and assessing. Adam tried not to bristle at the attention and focused instead on petting Knightly beside him. His dog whimpered.

“I’m going to tell you something you don’t want to hear.”

Adam scoffed. “Is this supposed to be a change from the previous conversation.”

Annalise’s pretty mouth twisted. It wasn’t a mean twist. It looked like she was hurt. “Adam, Shiro isn’t thinking about you right now.”

Adam’s hand stopped petting Knightly.

“He’s on a spaceship eating peas talking to two scientists about the potential for life in the ice deposits on a moon in the far edges of the galaxy. He’s out there living the life he wants to live, and it doesn’t include you.”

Adam looked up at the ceiling, desperately trying not to cry.

“Get out there and do something Adam,” she said, voice nearly hushed to a whisper, but easily the loudest thing in the room. “Get drunk, fuck a coworker, paint the Garrison landrovers pink, whatever. But do what you  _ want _ to be doing, and stop avoiding it because you’re afraid of living life alone. Newsflash—” she said, raising her arms and gesturing around her, “—you’re already alone.”

He wanted to point out she was there, that Knightly was there. But if he opened his mouth he knew an embarrassing sob would break out and he wasn’t ready to bring himself so low right then. 

Annalise stood up and walked to the door, seeing Adam needed some space. She mentioned something about a party, next week, and asked Adam along. She’d be there, she’d bring some familiar faces along.

When she left, Adam turned off the TV and sat in his apartment. Alone, in the quiet, barely able to not not think about the man traveling thousands of miles away from him, probably happier than he’d ever been, certainly not thinking about Adam.


	13. Answer

In the back of everyone’s mind was a question. It came occasionally, it came unbidden and unwanted, but it always came with an answer.

Adam, in the beginning, questioned his love for Takashi. Who loved whom more?

As time went on, the answer was clear: Adam loved Takashi more.

He’d like to say it was slightly more, and there were times when it was, when their love was nearly equal in size and scope, when Takashi loved him fiercely and only and wholly. But often, Adam found himself gripping onto a man who loved him equal to his love for space, his love for his work, his love for his devotion to his country. Adam had to fight for attention, and when Takashi was unable to give him what Adam needed, he became resentful and hurt.

There was nothing one could really do about the matter. Adam couldn’t make Takashi love him more, and Adam couldn’t love Takashi less. He could only hope in his mind, in his heart, that it was enough to keep them together.

But when Takashi brought up the Keroberos mission at first, Adam had internally seethed. After all this time, after all these years, after all Adam’s love, it wasn’t Takashi’s priority. They say when one’s livelihood is threatened, people find solace in what matters to them most. Most of the time it’s family, friends, lovers. But Takashi was finding his comfort not in Adam, his aunt and his friends. He was finding it millions of miles away on a cold, tiny moon.

What angered Adam the most, if he had to pin it down, was the mission’s goal. Takashi didn’t even like geology, he didn’t even care that much about the true nature of the mission—micro-cellular life in space. Takashi just wanted to run away.

He wanted to run away from his illness, from his limitations. Takashi felt that if he could go far enough, it would satisfy his need to be something, to be someone.

But Takashi already was. He was Adam’s something, he was Adam’s someone.

So they fought, and they made up, and they argued and they patched it up. But the hole between them was growing wider every day and Adam didn’t know how to hold on to something that was pulling away from him. He knew he should let go, he was being dragged down by Takashi’s every tug, but he couldn’t help but try to hold on to what made him a better man.

Takashi challenged him. He made Adam a fiercer competitor, a better teacher, a kinder listener. But lately, their relationship had turned into a sticky kitchen floor laden with broken eggs and Adam didn’t know how to navigate the mess without holding his breath and knowing at some point he would crush something underfoot, dragging with him a tacky mess around their home.

Their apartment grew quieter, almost lonelier when they were fighting. They tried not to fight, which led to a tense quiet, sometimes broken up by a tentative question. Do you want to go out tonight? Do you want to stay in? What would you like for dinner?

Inevitably it was always no, or nothing, since Takashi was going out to train with previous astronaut pilots or go over plans with Sam Holt, the mission’s chief scientist. Adam’s jealousy would flare and he would ask, not beg, Takashi to go out with  _ him _ , to stay in with  _ him _ , to eat dinner with  _ him _ .

But these last few months, the answer was never Adam. The answer was always something, someone else.

For one last time, for as many times as it would take, Adam wanted to say, “Stay.”

“Don’t expect me to be waiting for you when you get back,” Adam said instead. He grabbed his bag and headed to class. He thought he might feel some release when he said it. Instead, he felt the floor buckle from under him, and when Takashi didn’t come home that night at all, his toiletries and some clothing missing, Adam fell into the hole.


	14. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3

Adam sank down onto the couch, legs spread out over Takashi’s lap, still fully clothed. He pushed their bodies together, undulating his hips while Takashi breathed heavily in his ear and ran his hands up and down Adam’s thighs.

They’d been playing a game all morning: a kiss here, a touch there, a look and a red bitten lip, all day long until finally the sun had gone down and they were both nearly aching with want for the other. Adam was trembling, hips stuttering as he lifted them up and down, and he couldn’t tell if it was from the strain of his position or his pure need to feel Takashi against him.

Adam rubbed against him hard and Takashi moaned, head falling back onto the back of the couch. Adam followed him, sucking kissed and marks down his long neck, biting into the hollow of his collarbone. He took Takashi’s ear between his teeth and tugged, and in response Takashi grabbed Adam’s ass and pulled him down, grinding him harshly against his pelvis.

Adam gasped, coming up for air, and spread his legs even wider. Takashi was rutting up against him and Adam didn’t know if it was torture or paradise to be kept in his position, so close to getting what he wanted and still so removed from being filled.

Adam couldn’t help but smile when Takashi brought his hand to the back of Adam’s head, running his fingers through his hair, stimulating Adam further. Adam ran his thumb over Takashi’s lips, who licked then bit the small member. Adam pressed against Takashi’s bottom lip and watched it blush under his attention, pucker and move against his thumb.

He remarked at just how sexy Takashi was, sometimes without knowing it, sometimes with all the cards on his side. Sometimes he would catch Adam staring at him and blink, not knowing Adam had been looking at the column of his throat, the muscular turn of his trapezius into his shoulder. Adam could imagine all the dirty things he wanted to do with Takashi, who would remain oblivious so much of the time.

But when Adam reached out, when he touched Takashi and when he pressed kisses to his sternum, to the base of his neck, Takashi understood. Takashi knew Adam’s touch like he knew his own pulse, and he responded to it so readily.

It was one of the things Adam loved so much about him. When they made love, Takashi almost never had to ask what Adam wanted, he seemed to just know. Maybe it was the way his fingers glided over Adam’s stomach, the way his lips caressed softly, the way he waited for Adam to take the next leap. Maybe Adam was doing all the work and Takashi was just allowing him the space to realize what he wanted before making his move.

Now, having wanted each other the whole day, Adam and Takashi both were at the crest of their wave. Adam’s face was flushed, warm and Takashi’s hands felt electric riding under his shirt, gripping his knees and grasping his arms. Adam dropped down for another kiss, and it was more tongue and desire than finesse, but he sighed into it, holding Takashi’s face in his hands/

Adam dipped his hands down, finally untying Takashi’s pants and his own, pulling them away far enough just to release the two of them together, lining them up and stroking. Takashi opened his mouth, rolling his head back as Adam stroked them with both hands.

Adam watched Takashi come apart beneath him, and he shut his eyes in pure ecstasy when they came within seconds of each other, Takashi spilling between them first and Adam shortly after.

Adam collapsed onto Takashi, limp as a dead fish and about as energetic as one too. Takashi wrapped his arms loosely around Adam, letting Adam press his weight into his chest and shoulders.

“I love you,” Adam said. He hoped it was quiet enough that Takashi could ignore it if he wanted to. The rush of endorphins following sex made him stupidly brave to say the words to Takashi for the first time. But Adam rarely had regrets, since regret implied shame. And Adam wasn’t ashamed to love Takashi, he only hoped he wasn’t alone in his feelings.

Takashi let the silence dip between them, and Adam ignored the way his heart fell and told himself he had been successful in being quiet enough. Perhaps Takashi didn’t hear him.

But then Takashi ran his fingers through his hair once more and tugged on Adam’s ear.

“I think I love you, too,” he whispered back.

Adam dug his nose into Takashi’s nest and the two dozed in each others’ arms for a while, sated and in love, and finally vulnerable enough to be both before each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some questions: do you guys prefer more angst or more fluff? Let me know!
> 
> Also, do you prefer posts in batches or one a day? I'd like to do what you guys prefer! :)


	15. Goulash

Adam chopped the carrots clumsily, narrowly missing his finger several times as he cut them into uneven pieces.

“Are you sure I’m doing this right?” Adam said, frowning at the disfigured orange nubs. He used the knife like he’d seen Takashi use it once, chopping the carrots further as though they were parsley. Several of them got away from him and skittered to the floor. Cursing Adam picked them up, cupping them in his hands and blowing on them before tossing them back onto the cutting board.

Five-second rule, he told himself as he guiltily looked over his shoulder to see if Takashi had seen. Luckily, the object of his affection was currently at the stove, humming to himself some old song, off-key and entirely endearing. He hadn’t been paying any attention and instead focused on the pot before him, ensuring the meat was cooked properly before adding in their vegetables.

Adam looked enviously to his right where Takashi had cut the potatoes into perfect square bites and the finely sliced onions. HIs mother would be beside herself, Adam knew, and could already imagine her cooing affectionately at Takashi while scolding Adam about his inability to make a simple traditional dish.

“You’re doing great, sweetie,” Takashi said absentmindedly, not paying attention to the mess in front of Adam. “Can you hand me the paprika?”

Adam threw a carrot at the back of his neck instead. Takashi smacked the back of his neck, confused, before turning back to see Adam hold up another carrot in warning. “Why are we even putting vegetables in this? Proper goulash doesn’t have vegetables. Just meat and butter.”

“And paprika?” Takashi said, holding out his hand expectantly.

Adam rolled his eyes again and searched their cupboards for the paprika. He tossed it to Takashi who caught it easily, raising his eyes and wiggling them when he spun it between his fingers before tapping in a small amount into the pot over the meat.

He gestured for Adam to bring over the vegetables, and Adam dragged his feet as he did so. He wasn’t kidding about not wanting vegetables in the dish.

As if Takashi could read his mind, he wrapped his arm around Adam’s waist and pulled him close to his side. “The vegetables are to keep your heart pumping and skin glowing.” He used his spare hand and flicked Adam’s glasses off kilter. “And carrots are good for you eyes Mr. Pilot.” Adam tried not to pout before he righted his glasses and Takashi kissed his cheek before letting him and tossing all of the potatoes, carrots and onions into the dish. He covered it and turned Adam, pressing him into the counter.

Adam leaned his neck back when Takashi pressed forward, trailing his lips down his jaw and neck. “Eyesight is overrated,” Adam said, trailing his fingers down Takashi’s sides. 

Takashi chuckled and hot breath spread over Adam’s throat. His glasses began to fog up from the steam created by the pot as it rolled out of the sides of the lid. “But I need eyes all the better to see you with my dear.”

Adam laughed loud and hard, pushing Takashi away weakly. “Nuh-uh,” he said between laughs. “Not sexy. Not at all, grandma.”

Takashi laughed and kissed him on the mouth. It was more teeth than lip because they were smiling, but Adam wrapped his arms around Takashi’s neck and relished in the warmth of the kitchen and the spicy scene of paprika in his nose.

And if Adam picked out the vegetables with exaggerated flair once the meal was done, Takashi only groaned half as loud as he wanted to.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm sorry for dropping off the planet! I've had just about the worst month of my life and now I'm heading for a move so things are wiiiilddddddd a la casa Ace. Anyway, all is well, and I have every intention of still doing 30 snippets, they just might not come all in succession.
> 
> All of your kudos and comments are _adored_ , thank you so much for them all!!


	16. Interrupted

Adam doesn’t mind teaching classes. It’s not his calling though, so when the end of the day hits and he has one last class of obnoxious teenagers who are equally ready to act out and leave, he often finds himself itching for a drink. Unfortunately for Adam, none of them are in a public school, but rather at an elite military academy that doesn’t allow anyone to slack off.

It leads to lots of not-so-secretive notes exchanging hands, which range from the boring to the nonsensical to the insulting. Adam isn’t the nicest teacher at the school, and while most students respect (or are frightened enough) to not criticize him, there’s always that one special snowflake that has to try something.

An incident earlier that day already took place so Adam’s on edge and ready to grab his bag and head home, but there’s still 15 minutes left in class before he can even think about it. He’s at the board teaching theoretical aspects of military logics when he sees the sea of students before him drifting off. One in the back is outright snoring.

Adam feels a pang in the middle of his chest, something that tightens and grabs at him and pulls. He wants to be out in the field, he wants to make a difference, not bore kids to death with a subject he didn’t even like when he was taking it. He’s about ready to call off the whole class and give up when he sees a flash in the background behind the glass walls of the class.

Takashi is watching him with a small smile and gives him a wave. None of the students can see Takashi, and Adam wants to continue his professionalism, so he gives the barest of waves and never takes a pause while talking. He turns back to the board, calling out for answers regarding premodern war technology and concerns. He visibly takes a deep breath when no one in the class can answer the simple question and looks back at the class.

Takashi is still behind the glass, and this time Adam can’t help the surprise burst of laughter that comes from him when he watches Takashi pulling apart his mouth and wiggling his tongue at him from behind the glass, eyes rolling in their sockets.

The students, perplexed and shocked awake at the actual image of their stoic teacher in good humor, turn to the glass, but Takashi has long since ducked. Adam turns his laugh into a cough and calls out for answers again, trying to lead them on to the answers. Some progress is made. Adam places his marker on the desk and can’t help but notice Takashi in the back again, this time face pressed to the glass, mouth wide open and lips suctioned to it. His eyes are comically wide and his nose is scrunched from the position. 

He blows onto the soundproof glass and Adam is so shocked he laughs himself into near tears. The students turn around more quickly this time, and though Takashi drops in the nick of time, they all notice the fog made from his breath, accompanied by no short amount of saliva on the other side of the glass.

Adam keeps his eyes forward after that, but shakes his head and wraps up his lesson in a few short sentences.

“So what I hope you learn from this lesson,” he tells his students as he allows them to pack up early to head back to their dorms, “is that in the face of war, new kinds of strategy and development are close to follow.”

He places a finger to his lips and runs to the back of the class. His students turn and watch with anticipation as Adam ducks behind the glass, right below the window and only a wall separating him and Takashi.

He hears murmurs and giggles, a few students yelling “Hi Lieutenant Takashi!” and he knows he has his mark. He pauses a moment, and then bursts up from his position waving his arms and slamming them on the glass where he knows Takashi is.

Takashi jerks back in surprise, face wide open and legs nearly buckling in fear and shock. The students burst out laughing at his scared reaction and Takashi sighs and laughs behind the glass, conceding defeat.

As the students can only see his back and with no one but Takashi in the hallway before him. Adam puckers his lips into a small kiss, a small thank you. Barely visible is Takashi’s wink, right before the bell sounds and releases everyone to go home, to their sanctuaries.


End file.
